too much

“When I was a girl, my life was music that was always getting louder. Everything moved me. A dog followed a stranger. That made me feel so much. A calendar that showed the wrong month. I cried over it…I spent my life learning to feel less."
— Jonathan Safran Foer

my phone took that picture. all by itself. and now i check on it often as it sits in my bag. a fret for it as one would a tiny thing, (a sparrow, or a hope) slung across me in my bag, waiting to see beautiful things. its whole life is just to wait, to be the tool through which those i love who are not here tell me i am someone. 

and while it waits it steals tiny pieces of beauty

to pass along

pictures

messages

just to say "i miss you" 

it is so easy 

to forget for a moment

and feel that such a thing might come to life.

and so i catch myself peering at it

even when it has made no noise.

asking it questions it can't answer.

and sometimes it's just too much

 and i have to laugh at myself.

for being so moved,

by something which never wanted to be beautiful.
something that never wanted anything at all.
i laugh because i can't help but seek depth in the smallest puddles.