a free willy moment.

i'm aware that this is going to sound like me being a weirdo again.
and i'm aware this is deplorably cheesy.
and yes, i know this will solidify any looming optimism that i might be cool.
so bear with me.
I'll write something real tomorrow,
but tonight, all I can think of is that damned movie.

 a big, black and white whale,
and how,
with winter coming
and my heart changing,
all i'm thinking of
is how pathetically
desperately,
strangely,
i want a willy.

i know it's a kid's movie.
but my whole life that kinship has spoken to me,
and so many times
when the human race let me down,
i turned to a stray dog,
or a turtle with a cracked shell
that my brothers found on the side of the road.

and tonight, seeing how far i feel
from so many of the humans in my life,
feeling a bit like the outcast,
irredeemable, unlovable
and embracing my inner jesse,
i just want a willy.
because it's so much easier than people who have expectations,
who have their own perspective.
because willy is all love.
and because i love willy with all my heart.
but alas, a girl can love a whale,
but where, oh where, would they live?

ugh, yeah. i'm a dork.
anyways this
on repeat
is the best i could do.

"but they told me a man should be faithful, and walk when not able, and fight till the end; but i'm only human"
'cause no one can say that like m.j., really. and no one should. ever.